'bout time we pretended to be able to read algerian arabic, don't you think?
time to get eastern european on your asses: is everyone aware that yesterday the UN international court of justice found that it "could not prove strict intent" on behalf of the serbs to commit genocide in srebrenica. so, i guess they didn't MEAN to. whoops. genocide did take place, no doubt about that, but the only fault is that the serbian state didn't prevent it from happening. not that they MADE it happen, that they didn't PREVENT it from happening.
what does this verdict mean?? ...it means that the bosnian serbs are being blamed for the massacre because 'greater serbia' didn't have complete control over this military body. whatev. the serbian state could've prevented it, but had no hand in planning the event, and so owes no reparations- monetary or otherwise- to the victims. never mind that the whole notion of a greater serbia fueled these distinctions of national identity in the rest of former yugoslavia. not responsible. didn't mean to. not guilty.
is it because of the babushkas? is it because the balkan people are perceived to be a peasant sort of people that aren't real members of europe? i'm tapping into an argument here that takes dissertations to work out. but really, why doesn't anyone think this is absurd? because some of them write in cyrillic? because... they were once ottomans? is this some bizzare attempt on the part of the UN to de-barbarize the serbs by making them not guilty of such a barbarous crime? desensitizing the zone?
i don't know- i had much more of a critical analysis planned in my head earlier today but it got lost when i blew my nose.
discuss:
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
warp
apparently i'm not the only one experiencing a time warp with my sickness- my computer thinks my moment of greg kinnear casting inspiration occurred on the 23rd, when really it was a result of watching the oscars last night, the 25th. hm.
Saturday, February 24, 2007
sick
i have some kind of flu and have been unconscious most of the day. i was woken up earlier by someone in the hall talking about a jaguar killing a zookeeper. i'm not sure it this really happened.
.... just checked-
denverpost says it happened, so my reality is not entirely composed of feverish moments.
.... just checked-
denverpost says it happened, so my reality is not entirely composed of feverish moments.
Friday, February 23, 2007
ted kinnear
when will someone cast greg kinnear as ted bundy in the epic biopic, "(insert clever title here... )"
rare are the times
when i enjoy tchaikovsky's swan lake.
even rarer are the times when swan lake is sychronized to the rumble of my dishwasher.
oop- the moment is gone.
even rarer are the times when swan lake is sychronized to the rumble of my dishwasher.
oop- the moment is gone.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
rabbit season
in response to jenny's question as to why i don't appear to be bothering with my friends:
i just don't want to bother them with my preoccupation with rabbits.
wabbits.
sure, other things happen in the shley's life, but they have mainly to do with company mergers and garden planning and anticipation for spring and all classes of other things that one can find out all about by using a phone or writing an email. attempts at guiding the content of my blog toward personal expectations will not necessarily result in more frequent postings, though it MIGHT result in the posting of NUDE NUDE NUDE XXX photographs of hot BABES.
rabbits are cute and furry and chew on lettuce in an ever so delicate way.
i just don't want to bother them with my preoccupation with rabbits.
wabbits.
sure, other things happen in the shley's life, but they have mainly to do with company mergers and garden planning and anticipation for spring and all classes of other things that one can find out all about by using a phone or writing an email. attempts at guiding the content of my blog toward personal expectations will not necessarily result in more frequent postings, though it MIGHT result in the posting of NUDE NUDE NUDE XXX photographs of hot BABES.
rabbits are cute and furry and chew on lettuce in an ever so delicate way.
Friday, February 16, 2007
k-mart
this is where all the freaks are hanging out, just in case you were wondering. there and at my little store- there is a woman that comes in every morning, always wearing the same green sweatpants and always stinking like unwashed hair. fanny pack and odd waddle, like she's got something from the dryer stuck in her pant leg doesn't want it to fall out on the floor.
turns out she WORKS at the store. part-timey cashier at night, which is why i never knew. we hire unwashed hair people?? this is the image we wish to portray to the customers?
am i really a member of the working damned? no! i don't belong there! i belong in a better place, where the sun shines, the workers are happy and talented, and the air is free of dirty hair smell. oh, how do i get there.... certainly not through the doors of k-mart (mental note: never go back! too many things people don't need and too many people buying them! screaming children and bucktoothed freak managers!) OR through the ranks of corporate apathy, albeit at a natural foods store.
turns out she WORKS at the store. part-timey cashier at night, which is why i never knew. we hire unwashed hair people?? this is the image we wish to portray to the customers?
am i really a member of the working damned? no! i don't belong there! i belong in a better place, where the sun shines, the workers are happy and talented, and the air is free of dirty hair smell. oh, how do i get there.... certainly not through the doors of k-mart (mental note: never go back! too many things people don't need and too many people buying them! screaming children and bucktoothed freak managers!) OR through the ranks of corporate apathy, albeit at a natural foods store.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
no compassion
my interest level's dropping, my interest level is drop-ping
i work at a lame store. sometimes i get in trouble for trying to make it not lame. benefits be damned, i must find something else to do with my time!
i work at a lame store. sometimes i get in trouble for trying to make it not lame. benefits be damned, i must find something else to do with my time!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
how the shley stole v-day
seussian motivation prevails!
i wrote this on valentine's day 2006. i'd been back from england for one week, which means i had not read 'how the grinch stole christmas' for one week. that book about 'the naughty little elf' turned out to be a big hit with the english charges, so much so that i had nearly the whole thing memorized. the result?- seussian inspired valentine's poo-pooing!
Every Who down in Whoville liked V-Day a lot
But Shley, who live just north of Whoville, DID NOT
Shley HATED Valentine’s, the whole V-Day season
Now, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be her head wasn’t screwed on just right
It could be, perhaps, that her shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that her heart was two sizes too small
But whatever the reason, her heart or her shoes,
She stood there on Valentine’s HATING the Whos
Staring down from her room with a sour Shley frown
At the couples in Whoville holding hands all through town
For she knew all the happy young pairs of Whos
Were busy now, nibbling on candies in twos
“And they’re eating their chocolates,” she snarled with a sneer
“They’re wearing pink clothes! It’s making me tear!”
Then she growled with her Shley fingers nervously drumming
“I MUST find a way to stop all this ‘I’m in love’ humming!”
For on V-Day she knew…
All the Who girls and boys woke up bright and early
They’d lovingly kiss
And they’d kiss and they’d kiss and they’d
KISS
KISS
KISS
KISS
Then the Whos, young and old, would embrace in a hug
And they’d hug and they’d hug and they’d
HUG
HUG
HUG
HUG
They’d hug in the kitchen
And in the shower
And this was an act that made Shley feel dour
And the more that Shley though of this Who lovefest thing
The more that she thought, “I MUST end the smooching!”
“Why, for 28 years I’ve put up with it now,
I must stop Valentine’s Day….
But how?”
Then she got an idea
And awful idea
Shley got a wonderful AWFUL idea.
“I know just what I’ll do,”
Shley maniacally thought
And she dressed as a Cupid
Hoping not to be caught.
Then she crept downstairs with her arrows and bow
And paused, wondering where first to go
“I’ll raid Hallmark stores!”
and she hopped in her car
“I’ll steal all their cards!
And toss them afar!”
She pulled up to the store
Bow and arrow in fist
“This is stop number one,”
And she started to list
All the Valentine’s gifts
That made her lips burn
She’d take them away
And destroy them in turn
Then she snuck through the door
With fake V-Day glee
‘Cause if couples could do it
Then so could Shley
But she stopped at the first display of pink hearts
And momentarily balked when she saw the full carts
Then she gained her composure and proceeded to plan
How to properly execute her Valentine’s ban.
She slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant
Through every aisle, and she took every present!
Chocolates! Roses! Love poems and songs!
Candy hearts! Cards! Lipstick and thongs!
Then she did the same thing to the other Who’s stores
Leaving behind only one box of Russell Stovers
She piled it up in her Saab and she drove
Straight to the dump to dispose of this trove
“Poo poo to the Who’s!” she was wickedly humming
“They’re finding out now that no V-Day is coming!
They’re going to Hallmark, I know just what they’ll do
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
Then the Who’s down in Whoville will all cry
BOO HOO”
“THAT’S a sound,” Shley declared, “that I simply must hear!”
So she paused, and she put a hand to her ear
And she did hear a sound coming over the snow
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad, why, this sound sounded merry!
It COULDN’T be so, but it was merry, VERY!
She stared over at WHoville, and Shley popped her eyes.
Then she shook! What she saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Whoville, the lovers and all
Were KISSING, without any pink things at all!
She HADN’T stopped Valentine’s from coming, it came!
Somehow or another it came all the same!
And Shley, with her Saab rumbling in the snow
Sat puzzling and puzzling, “HOW could it be so?”
“It came without chocolates! There were no plastic hearts!
It came without Barbie cards and gooey pink tarts!”
And she puzzled and puzzled till her puzzler was sore.
Then the Shley thought something she hadn’t before!
“Maybe,” she thought,” Love doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Valentine’s…perhaps….means a little bit more!”
And what happened then…? Well, in Whovile they say
That Shley’s little heart grew three sizes that day!
And the minute her heart didn’t feel quite so tight
She whizzed through the town with a new inner light
And shot out through the sunroof the arrows she took
And threw out some candy
Then Shley
Shley herself,
Felt love struck and dandy
i wrote this on valentine's day 2006. i'd been back from england for one week, which means i had not read 'how the grinch stole christmas' for one week. that book about 'the naughty little elf' turned out to be a big hit with the english charges, so much so that i had nearly the whole thing memorized. the result?- seussian inspired valentine's poo-pooing!
Every Who down in Whoville liked V-Day a lot
But Shley, who live just north of Whoville, DID NOT
Shley HATED Valentine’s, the whole V-Day season
Now, please don’t ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be her head wasn’t screwed on just right
It could be, perhaps, that her shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that her heart was two sizes too small
But whatever the reason, her heart or her shoes,
She stood there on Valentine’s HATING the Whos
Staring down from her room with a sour Shley frown
At the couples in Whoville holding hands all through town
For she knew all the happy young pairs of Whos
Were busy now, nibbling on candies in twos
“And they’re eating their chocolates,” she snarled with a sneer
“They’re wearing pink clothes! It’s making me tear!”
Then she growled with her Shley fingers nervously drumming
“I MUST find a way to stop all this ‘I’m in love’ humming!”
For on V-Day she knew…
All the Who girls and boys woke up bright and early
They’d lovingly kiss
And they’d kiss and they’d kiss and they’d
KISS
KISS
KISS
KISS
Then the Whos, young and old, would embrace in a hug
And they’d hug and they’d hug and they’d
HUG
HUG
HUG
HUG
They’d hug in the kitchen
And in the shower
And this was an act that made Shley feel dour
And the more that Shley though of this Who lovefest thing
The more that she thought, “I MUST end the smooching!”
“Why, for 28 years I’ve put up with it now,
I must stop Valentine’s Day….
But how?”
Then she got an idea
And awful idea
Shley got a wonderful AWFUL idea.
“I know just what I’ll do,”
Shley maniacally thought
And she dressed as a Cupid
Hoping not to be caught.
Then she crept downstairs with her arrows and bow
And paused, wondering where first to go
“I’ll raid Hallmark stores!”
and she hopped in her car
“I’ll steal all their cards!
And toss them afar!”
She pulled up to the store
Bow and arrow in fist
“This is stop number one,”
And she started to list
All the Valentine’s gifts
That made her lips burn
She’d take them away
And destroy them in turn
Then she snuck through the door
With fake V-Day glee
‘Cause if couples could do it
Then so could Shley
But she stopped at the first display of pink hearts
And momentarily balked when she saw the full carts
Then she gained her composure and proceeded to plan
How to properly execute her Valentine’s ban.
She slithered and slunk with a smile most unpleasant
Through every aisle, and she took every present!
Chocolates! Roses! Love poems and songs!
Candy hearts! Cards! Lipstick and thongs!
Then she did the same thing to the other Who’s stores
Leaving behind only one box of Russell Stovers
She piled it up in her Saab and she drove
Straight to the dump to dispose of this trove
“Poo poo to the Who’s!” she was wickedly humming
“They’re finding out now that no V-Day is coming!
They’re going to Hallmark, I know just what they’ll do
Their mouths will hang open a minute or two
Then the Who’s down in Whoville will all cry
BOO HOO”
“THAT’S a sound,” Shley declared, “that I simply must hear!”
So she paused, and she put a hand to her ear
And she did hear a sound coming over the snow
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn’t sad, why, this sound sounded merry!
It COULDN’T be so, but it was merry, VERY!
She stared over at WHoville, and Shley popped her eyes.
Then she shook! What she saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Who down in Whoville, the lovers and all
Were KISSING, without any pink things at all!
She HADN’T stopped Valentine’s from coming, it came!
Somehow or another it came all the same!
And Shley, with her Saab rumbling in the snow
Sat puzzling and puzzling, “HOW could it be so?”
“It came without chocolates! There were no plastic hearts!
It came without Barbie cards and gooey pink tarts!”
And she puzzled and puzzled till her puzzler was sore.
Then the Shley thought something she hadn’t before!
“Maybe,” she thought,” Love doesn’t come from a store.”
“Maybe Valentine’s…perhaps….means a little bit more!”
And what happened then…? Well, in Whovile they say
That Shley’s little heart grew three sizes that day!
And the minute her heart didn’t feel quite so tight
She whizzed through the town with a new inner light
And shot out through the sunroof the arrows she took
And threw out some candy
Then Shley
Shley herself,
Felt love struck and dandy
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
lame
as in, i am. my very important left index finger is impaired and i can't control my typing. not that i was a good typer anyway. it's been sliced open- actually on the side of my hand leading to the very important index finger- and now i'm going to stop shaving and become cave woman hairy armpit cheetah! just the excuse i was looking for!
mid-winter angst comes in many forms: bronchitis, poorly-timed painting projects, inabilty to fold laundry, consumption of too many sausages, near-strangling of produce department hippies, babbling blogginess, and consumption of too many beers. the shley shift to a spring mentality, however premature in this, the first half of february, is designed to combat such angst and bring about new motivation. rejuvinated writing habits! rekindled relationships with surly produce clerks! renewed interest in laundry folding! refresh! re re re! so what that i sliced my hand open doing the job that i find so agri-ethically demoralizing (yes, it's a word! i just made it up). i will approach my lettuce stacking tasks and burned out co-workers with whistling delight.
....maybe.
at the very least i will pretend that it's spring, despite the snow outside.
yesterday i tromped up a canyon in the snow to find breathtaking views across the high plains of the rockies. the day before that i soaked for two hours in the hot springs of pagosa. what more motivation could i need for my re-ness?
rest assured, shley will not stop shaving her armpits.
mid-winter angst comes in many forms: bronchitis, poorly-timed painting projects, inabilty to fold laundry, consumption of too many sausages, near-strangling of produce department hippies, babbling blogginess, and consumption of too many beers. the shley shift to a spring mentality, however premature in this, the first half of february, is designed to combat such angst and bring about new motivation. rejuvinated writing habits! rekindled relationships with surly produce clerks! renewed interest in laundry folding! refresh! re re re! so what that i sliced my hand open doing the job that i find so agri-ethically demoralizing (yes, it's a word! i just made it up). i will approach my lettuce stacking tasks and burned out co-workers with whistling delight.
....maybe.
at the very least i will pretend that it's spring, despite the snow outside.
yesterday i tromped up a canyon in the snow to find breathtaking views across the high plains of the rockies. the day before that i soaked for two hours in the hot springs of pagosa. what more motivation could i need for my re-ness?
rest assured, shley will not stop shaving her armpits.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
raconteurs
i'm torturing my beau with comparisons between the ranconteurs and boston- double lead guitar solo influence has to come from somewhere!
nailed it! 'more than a feeling' IS the source! go listen to 'level' then get that boston classic on yer stereo, with particular attention to the double guitar solo. aw ya.
nailed it! 'more than a feeling' IS the source! go listen to 'level' then get that boston classic on yer stereo, with particular attention to the double guitar solo. aw ya.
Monday, February 05, 2007
hop o lop lop e rop
i want a bunny!
but first... i should figure out what one does witha bunny besides admire their cuteness. i think that's the chief reason i want one- cause it's got cute bunny feet and eats yummy lettuces. otherwise, would the novelty wear off? maybe i want a bunny because i'm reading 'watership down' again- duh, didn't realize that i was LIVING on the down where the epic bunny story took place. i knew there was a reason why i went there.
had a dream last night that i named a kitten 'fig'. maybe if i get a wabbit i'll name it that. now bring me some figgy bunn, now bring me some figgy bunny, now bring me some figgy bunny, and bring it right here!
but first... i should figure out what one does witha bunny besides admire their cuteness. i think that's the chief reason i want one- cause it's got cute bunny feet and eats yummy lettuces. otherwise, would the novelty wear off? maybe i want a bunny because i'm reading 'watership down' again- duh, didn't realize that i was LIVING on the down where the epic bunny story took place. i knew there was a reason why i went there.
had a dream last night that i named a kitten 'fig'. maybe if i get a wabbit i'll name it that. now bring me some figgy bunn, now bring me some figgy bunny, now bring me some figgy bunny, and bring it right here!
Sunday, February 04, 2007
puppy bowl
in a rare moment of television watching the other night, brian williams revealed to me yet another miserable way to entertain oneself on superbowl sunday: the puppy bowl. featured on the animal planet, this is a show that has no other purpose than to woo viewers with cute puppies running aorund a miniature 'football' arena. they don't do tricks or push a puppy football around or 'score'- all they do is play with each other and run around in puppy circles and drink from their waterbowl, which has a camera in the bottom of it for optimum puppy-lapping viewing pleasure.
i have two reactions to this: one- dear god, is this the only thing people can think to do with a few thousand dollars. rent a studio, get some puppies and a few cameras, air the results. and two- damn, those puppies are cute. caught between criticism and sentimentality! what's a girl to do?
i have two reactions to this: one- dear god, is this the only thing people can think to do with a few thousand dollars. rent a studio, get some puppies and a few cameras, air the results. and two- damn, those puppies are cute. caught between criticism and sentimentality! what's a girl to do?
Saturday, February 03, 2007
oroweat
a note to consumers: i bought some bread of this label at king soopers almost three weeks ago. it's. still. soft. not natural! should be stale!
so, if others are rused by this bread's 'so natural and healthy' marketing technique, be forewarned. HFCS is the second ingredient. and it's STILL SOFT. eeee.
so, if others are rused by this bread's 'so natural and healthy' marketing technique, be forewarned. HFCS is the second ingredient. and it's STILL SOFT. eeee.
marley has a drinking problem
basically she drinks any liquid in the bathroom. ew.
i reached the pinnacle of winter frustration today and just about threw an avocado at someone at work. that someone being the ex-cokehead alcoholic aries ego produce dude whose job i now have (thus giving him an enormous chip on this shoulder that causes great strife in the workplace- he doesn't want the job but hates it that i have it now). today he got mad at me because i fixed the sign that he put up incorrectly. i mean really. it was going to fall, and it's not my damn fault that you go to N.A. and don't want to be the the asst. manager anymore, so stop giving me shit and saying cockhead shit like 'whatever, you're the boss.' damn right i'm the boss and i'll kick your grumpy ass right out of this department if you keep doing a half-assed job! today we had what i'll call an 'encounter'- cause usually i ignore his bitchiness, but today gave him a bit of the shley. his response? not a word to me for the next two hours of work, throwing stuff around, hiding things i need at the bottom of shelves so i have to move hundreds of pounds of shit to get to them, then leaving two hours early without saying goodbye or finishing his work. so i have to do more work all because i told him the celery shouldn't be on the floor. why do i have to work with fucking fifth-graders disguised as grown men? and who in the dept. can't read???? someone keeps putting conventional lemons with the organic lemons, even though it seems quite clear to me that there is a DIFFERENCE EXPRESSED ON EVERY SINGLE LEMON IN THE FORM OF A STICKER!!! read the sticker people. it tells you whether it's conventional or organic. meanwhile, it's cold outside and the snow from december 21 is still on the ground in the form of thick black ice. so the shley is annoyed.
oh, but tomorrow it will be in the 40's and mr. grumparific won't be at work and i will feel happy and free once again.
marley is going to fall in the toilet.
i reached the pinnacle of winter frustration today and just about threw an avocado at someone at work. that someone being the ex-cokehead alcoholic aries ego produce dude whose job i now have (thus giving him an enormous chip on this shoulder that causes great strife in the workplace- he doesn't want the job but hates it that i have it now). today he got mad at me because i fixed the sign that he put up incorrectly. i mean really. it was going to fall, and it's not my damn fault that you go to N.A. and don't want to be the the asst. manager anymore, so stop giving me shit and saying cockhead shit like 'whatever, you're the boss.' damn right i'm the boss and i'll kick your grumpy ass right out of this department if you keep doing a half-assed job! today we had what i'll call an 'encounter'- cause usually i ignore his bitchiness, but today gave him a bit of the shley. his response? not a word to me for the next two hours of work, throwing stuff around, hiding things i need at the bottom of shelves so i have to move hundreds of pounds of shit to get to them, then leaving two hours early without saying goodbye or finishing his work. so i have to do more work all because i told him the celery shouldn't be on the floor. why do i have to work with fucking fifth-graders disguised as grown men? and who in the dept. can't read???? someone keeps putting conventional lemons with the organic lemons, even though it seems quite clear to me that there is a DIFFERENCE EXPRESSED ON EVERY SINGLE LEMON IN THE FORM OF A STICKER!!! read the sticker people. it tells you whether it's conventional or organic. meanwhile, it's cold outside and the snow from december 21 is still on the ground in the form of thick black ice. so the shley is annoyed.
oh, but tomorrow it will be in the 40's and mr. grumparific won't be at work and i will feel happy and free once again.
marley is going to fall in the toilet.
Friday, February 02, 2007
why is it not july
ok, so the sun was out today, but i was inside moving mangos around and it was buttfuck cold outside, so it didn't matter. buttfuck cold is some cold weather. the wind chill was like minus 15 or something. arg. and now i'm combating a scratchy throat and....... hurumph. sitting at home tonight trying to nurse myself means that there's lots of rumination and general frustration/impatience about: why doesn't winter end; how can i make more money; i'm sick of being cold all the time; what the hell am i doing with my life; why don't i have energy to clean my kitchen; etc. there are obviously no immediate answers to any of these questions, except perhaps the first one. winter won't end cause of the tilt of the earth's goddamn axis. axis of evil!
Thursday, February 01, 2007
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