i've become ambivalent about my blog.

poultry processing plant

can somebody explain gray chicken membranes to me? saw a chicken with a gray membrane around the meat near the tail. couldn't find any online resource divulging the source of said grayness. wtf. threw the chicken away. wasteful, but probably safe.

library huff

arraiving at the library today was inspirational- the denver modern art museum was poking into the blue sky sunshine, and scores of people were waiting outside to get through the doors at opening time. i felt a moment of 'i love the library!' and wanted to talk to all the people about what they were going to go in to study- wed design? roof-top gardening? food and memory? the latest from niall fergerson? no. the doors opened and 15% of the waiters headed straight for the bathroom. it was at this point that i noticed that the majority of library-goers were a bums and/or internetless poker junkies. or they needed to watch some online porn. i've glimpsed some hardcore full screen shit going down in there. within three minutes of the library opening every computer was taken one in twenty was using the library catalog. no bother, shley's got a laptop, so all she has to do is find a sunny corner and tap in to access honest library information. mleh- not possible. no wireless access in the PUBLIC library unless you pay five dollars and hour to a PRIVATE internet provider. balls! i can go buy a cup of coffee in the cafe downstairs and use wireless for free, so ok, go buy some coffee- oh, but the chick at the counter can't find the password. where is the password, she just doesn't knooooow.

so shley left in a huff and went to the only known secure, quick, free and reliable internet provider- the mancave. my moment of feeling that the public really does have bookish pursuits came, then went quickly back to thinking that the average internetless public wants no such library catalog access, but rather the sort of qhite trash entertainment that the internet and television so easily provide. there should be a reality show about people watching online porn, then everyone would be smiley. or maybe we just need to instate 100 days of gladitorial gaming.

bumper sticker

"buy a gun, piss off a liberal"
which translates loosely to, "put this arrogant fuck bumper sticker on your car, piss off someone who thinks about what they do"

this is the state of the union.

weather

frozen citrus in cali, ice glaze in the great midwest, hurricane forces all over europe. winter rules.

buy your oranges now cause them prices gonna go sky high!





all right, people. i need things to write about, cause the subjects in shleydom don't seem to be doing anything for me. i'll take anything, any writing proposals. try me.

poor flick

my apologies to the people of east grand, who in the absence of power have risen to the occassion of wanton self-entertainment, which i will now outline to show my admiration:

1. new pbs show ideas! -"settler bed", a new reality show following the life of two people, their five cats, a dog, and their communal bed. inspired by real life 21st cetury events! stay tuned for tonight's episode, "settler bed: one of the cats ate too fast".

2. they watch agawk at parades of brazilian meats!

3. they celebrate, by candlelight, the simple joys of fart jokes!

4. they (presumably) play old-timey music on the piany!

5. they regale moments of national fame in the washington post, and on shley and ron davis' blog!

hats off to the return to little house on the frozen prairie life. my pa was thinking of coming to aid in tree debris removal and sit by the fire to play his fiddle, but you's gonna get some snow soon and i don[t think he'd like to have quite so much powerless fun, or sleep in the settler bed.




as a side note, let me note my disturbance at the fact that we buy organic red peppers from ISRAEL and sell them for an ungodly sum. israel. that's a long-ass way to travel for a pepper.

insurance

enrolling for health care online- at no cost to me, my plan offers a "Group STD". yay!

chile

my employer has a secret agreement with the republic of chile wherein we buy out-of-season produce from their farms to sell in colorado and unload all our out-of-date chemicals onto them. i'm not sure how this relationship is economically viable. do we really need this produce all year round? peaches, nectarines, grapes, blueberries, blackberries. all expensive, all tasteless, all covered with god knows what chemicals that are still approved in chile but banned in the U.S.- but which are PROVIDED by the U.S. to chilean farms depsite the fact that they have been deemed harmful by the USDA. today we imported some chilean rocks- a.k.a. "tree-ripened" nectarines- to sell to the hopeless souls that think it might be a good idea to bite into a nectarine in january. i was thinking about reporting this chilean agreement to the store's ethics committee- i was given a card with their phone number and encouragement of anonymous reporting on my first day. probably intended for incidents of sexual harassment or something like that, but this goes way beyond the scope of worker relations! this is the company's mission at risk here! out of season ddt-infused nectarine rocks?? wtf?

i have this weird itchy problem on my neck and there are several possible sources: touching hyacinth bulbs that might have been treated with something nasty; touching the sticky, pesticidy, chilean grapes at work; eczema; or something else.

post

i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing i'm writing that's what this blog is all about. such a task to think of something quick and easy to write every day! ah, but that is the point, to not be quick and/or easy about the work of writing. must. write. every. day. aaaaaaah.

planted some plants in defiance of winter today. and cooked some hella-good pork. and....... hum. nothing to write about.

gutenberg

i've completed my apprenticeship into total dorkdom- today i purchased, for 99 cents, a model of the gutenberg printing press. it says it has working parts, so the tiny shley manifesto will be printed and distributed soon. stay tuned.

infamy!!

my sister is (almost) quoted in the new york times oh my god!!!!

icy hammons

is anyone else totally creeped out by this picture?
(stolen from the snooze-leader, jan. 13, 2007)

maybe you have to know the whole statue to find it eerie.

springfield is covered with ice and there ain't no electricity, which means that matt is powerless. powerless to leave silly comments on my blog! oh, what will he do without his daily outlet for 'anonymous' silliness? give it up man, we all know it's you!

black carrot juice

one of the ingredients listed in the weirdo whey protein drink i was given at work this afternoon. it's a wonder.

i hate winter

so damn cold all the time.

campari

is there ANYONE out there that thinks maybe fresh tomatoes are a food that has fat? cause we sell some campari tomatoes in a package at work and it's sure to notify the customer that it is a zero fat food. i'm not sure of the significance- either people are fat-crazed and want to be assured at every turn that their food is fat free, or this tomato company estimates that the american public is really that stupid to have to be reminded, or enlightened to begin with, that tomatoes are a fat free food.


the result of having a mattress in lieu of a collection of mancave cushions in a tent is that shley slept a whole lot yesterday AND slept through her alarm clock this morning and was thus late to work. oh it's so comfortable.

bed

so much for my resolution to be a prolific poster on my blog this year.

i got a bed today. no more sleeping in the tent yay!

i also got the deal of the century on a set of knives.

i saw a book called "a hard man is good to find" and almost bought it before realizing how i was dyslexically duped into thinking it was a flannery o'connor novel.

i also saw the fattest polyestered ass waving around in the air, belonging to a woman trying to shovel her car out with a hopelessly short shovel.

thus is the information i have to share.

quote from my seestor

"BEAN! Say it with me- it's such a fun word! Where have you bean?"

vinland map

i'm on a pbs kick! it's that time of year- post holiday, still winter, time for public television! annie leibowitz was featured last night and tonight we're uncovering the mysteries of the vinland map. ooo. at least it's not pink floyd pulse every night.

do i offend??

judging from the absense of comments on the jewface post, either a) i offended people, b) i confused people, or c) did both long ago and lost all blog readers. alas.

new development in spam email: i am now receiving messages from north korea.

i've been dragging ass all day and will now nap like never before.

jew face- a compilation

i didn't think of the title!
a new album of turn of the century self-demeaning jewish tunes featured on fresh air today. my favorite line:
"i got me a yiddish mamy, and she ain't from alabamy"

get it- jew face, black face. hm? how interesting! how bizarre!