monkey and bear

it's official, joanna newsom is a freak. little elfy harp woman. and a.... a green bean! (to be sung with eyes squeezed shut in elfy voice). love it and feel somehow invaded by pesky miniature people at the same time. there's a name for those- pixies? fairies. sprites. hm..... no, i like pesky miniatures.

shley's take on the metrosexual

in haiku form, no doubt written in a coffee shop while "working"

meadowsexual
work that cookie all night long
you like eestory?

yet another digression

this time it's to the shley undergrad experience! i knew i saved this shit for some reason: so i could find it years later and marvel at how silly i got while sitting in class. oh, you thought i was paying attention, but really i was scribbling ideas on the following:

Bigfoot as Mackdaddy
-with phrases like "bigfoot doesn't get his feet wet" and "bigfoot don't play like that"- referring to himself in the 3rd person, playing the part of sexual hero to the unsatisfied women. a kind of mackdaddy sex monster.


ok, i have no idea what this was in reference to, but it was found among my creative writing class notes, so that might explain it. perhaps we were to think of a character?

another note of slight humor- we were supposed to think of three ideas for a short short story, called a blaster:

Blaster Idaes
1- the hardships of dyslexia in college life
2- the pain of forced brainstorming- student goes nuts and can't think of anything original, runs out of class and takes up smoking
3- maybe custer didn't die at the ballte of little bighorn


my professor picked up on the royal tenenbaums cop-out at the end, which i think was the only reason i wrote it the first place.



oh, ho ho.

lazy jane

i've lazed the past two days away and nowi't smonday morning i'm drinkingcoffeeandontheballreadytogooooooooooooooo get some work down wahooooo weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

biodegradable skeet

i've fulfilled my duty as a true american today by stuffing myself a second time with an absurd amount of food, then making a trip to a MALL AND BASS PRO, THEN going to a GUN CLUB to SHOOT at things with SHOT GUNS. note the capitals, this is for real. ok, well, the trip to the mall was strictly business- the brochure box installation team on the job for the time when brochures are needed most. you can count on us. also of interest in the mall was the sighting of my first "duck press"- which is, in this case, a brass contraption tagged at $2000, complete with decorative ducky feet and intended for expedient extraction of duck juice. seems completely unnecssary and therefore desirable for cherry creek mall shoppers. i only noticed it because, just yesterday, i happened across the definition for a duck press while looking up "gaud" in the dictionary in a scrabble challenge. gaud is a word. duck press is a tool. clarification. the trip to bass pro was slightly less enlightening- save for the glimpse into gun culture that i hitherto hadn't appreciated. people will pay $16000 for a shot gun. so you can shoot skeet in style, i presume. the gun section of bass pro was teeming with eager thanksgiving weekend hunters, all choosing their favorite red riders and aiming them at imaginary targets in the store. or maybe that's what the stuffed bucks are for- so you don't really need to go outdoors when you go to bass pro's outdoor world. the whole package is inside for you- handling of boxes of ammo, aiming, make-believe firing, then voila! your twelve point buck already mounted on the wall for all to see and admire. we saw a real buck at the gun club, but it's against the law to shoot at those in a shooting range, thus creating fearless local bucks that willingly prance through the gun club grounds amid sounds of BUCKshot.

despite our venture into americana, however, i did not spend any money. not even when i ran out of gas next to the women's correctional facility on north havana.

stuffed

lincoln proclaimed: "The year that is drawing towards its close, has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added, which are of so extraordinary a nature, that they cannot fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever watchful providence of Almighty God." .... and then he talked a lot about war.
thoreau said: "I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion."

rotkraut and gas scares

the potential of sleeping in gasoline saturated wonder tonight is too hard to resist. we could all blow up anytime! yay! never fear... we won't blow up. at least i really hope we won't blow up. proper ventalition precautions have been taken, as well as fire department ruses. um, we don't have a wood-burning fireplace. noooo. we just smelled gas coming from the putzbags next door, so we were, um, bbqing outside.

the rotkraut is in preperation, the pies are cooling, and the stuffing has been forgotten. the meal was not done in a 100-mile style. the only thing that came from within 100 miles was the beautiful pumpkin that i handpicked myself as the first date pumpkin. it is now baked an in pie form. everytihng else probably came from either canada or california. so uch for my ethics.

balls

i've once again taken to walking around and cursing- my new favorite word is balls. just.... balls. very satisfying to say- try it. occasionally i'll say fuck balls. my job search is resulting as follows: either not hiring, position filled or position offered in 50 degree environment with disgruntled sandwich-making mexicans. balls!

i'm stuck between wanting to fill the time between now and april, when i can go back to the blissful surroundings of the farm, with getting a temporary lame job or getting a job job type job that would offer more money and possibly even benefits AND the opportunity to work with mexicans. un poco.

unemloyed in greenland.

don't feel like writing

so i won't

dude, this is pretty fucked up right here

why is it that the shorter my posts get the more comments they solicit?

so i have a handful of farmy knitters coming over in about an hour and have no food to give them, save for squash. but, being that they're farmy, they too have the problem of having too much squash, so

also, my friend just reintroduced me to the originales south park video via the wonders of youtube. my seestor somehow acquired it through her supercool friends in chicago long ago and it was an oft quoted subject, back then, in the days when swearing cartoons were still scandalous.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Vmr--FJDxZ4&mode=related&search=

must prepare for knitters.

prediction

christian bale will be james bond some day.

dear log.....

still no emmy....

monkey bars

yummy cacao/cane sugar creations from costa rica that i've suddenly come into exclusive supply of.

i don't think you're supposed to end a sentence with 'of'.

knives out

embark with me, noble travellers, on new culinary adventures! butternut squash and goat cheese pasta bake! yum! and tomorrow night's welcome home dinner could very well be spaghetti and meatballs- spaghetti SQUASH and buffalo meatballs. all must enjoy my squash abundance! i might be able to eat it every day this winter, which means i need to think of new ways to cook the shit. oh, and i bought some weirdo indian spice today that i have no idea what to do with. it's called "asafoetida"- waddya do with that? the bottle says "don't let the powerful odor turn you off!"

marley is bored mored.

the english empire was founded on piratry..... so how did "aaarg" come into the picture? is that what englishmen at sea sound like? i mean, if you stay on a boat long enough do you naturally descend into over-pronounced r's?

haikus from england

since jenny doesn't like my 'return to grad school' theme, i'm taking her to england instead.
written in a bar in chichester- 12/9/05

the slug and lettuce
drinking wine alone againe
tugging on my lip

nutella in bag
waiting to get eaten up
instead of ripe cheese

premanently scowled
she drinks half her still water
flicking ashes on the floor

housewives go crazy
talking to toddlers all day
mine. now! no i won't!

subject does something
conjunctions prepositions
make things confusing


i guess that last one was after i'd consumed my fill of wine....

oo, and here's something from the bar again:
12/31/05
slug and lettuce..... again.
3 pm and proceeding directly to beer. bitter, that is. john smith's extra smooooooth. mmm. i just came in out of the cold wet to write some thank you cards. the cult of thank yous in this family- always doing whats Right drives me bored. i'm actually wondering whether my thank you cards are big enough- ah, such is the countryhouse conscience. ya, well, they can kiss my american ass.

last day of grad school

unpacking continues and, since i've gotten to the point of just staring at my boxes, i thought i'd share more random life notes i've discovered.
may 2005. written on the back of a paper in polish that- hm, i got a 'b' on. amazing. wow, i can't understand anything i wrote in polish, but apparently i had "good thoughts on stachura's poems". ...m'ok.

My Last Class: "Memories" (that was the class... anthropology of memory, i think?)
I've been passed a book- "Rhetoric of Empire" by David Spurr and asked "you read this, right?" um... nope. "Oh, I thought you read it in Maria's class- it was one of your favorites." ok- thus is the legacy of my grad school experience. one of my favorites? right.... now i'm sitting between fedja and jennifer, my best buds. and waiting through several presentations. i expect boredom.

elizabeth says "that's fabulous" and we all release a sigh of great relief- she approves, her royal highness of of name-dropping approves! now she won't shut up. and fedja is reading over my shoulder. stop it! my memories! he's attempting to colonize my memories, but the indeginous people are strong! i'm thinking about maybe reading this aloud to the class as an example of the creation of historical narrative- but is it collective? can i speak for the class? i think not- i'm too cynical. wait- i just realized.... NO MORE POLISH CLASS. ha HA! all i know about the dominican republic is that sammy sosa is from there. and this is the extent to which i'm paying attention to THIS presentation. instead, i'm thinking about working on an organic farm in europe this summer. i need to WORK- and elizabeth WILL interrupt every presentation. hm... now i know more about the dom. rep. fancy that. but, this doesn't mean that i don't realize that i'm only one presentation away from thai food and the END of grad school. HA! feck, two presentations left.

jennifer mennifer is performing- i cannot verify any of the dates in polish history on her hand out about polish-jewish autobiographies framed by interwar polish independence. jack hutchins was wearing a socialist worker pin today and i had to refrain from asking him how getting a phd in polish literature would help the worker's cause. does he work? no- he's overweight american with a polish wife. i'm to mean- but really...... workers of the world unite so the intellegentsia cane write about you!

meanwhile, yiddish strives as ever before to free itself of it's proletariat associations as a language. high culture, oh, how we cherish thee. question!: is the intellegentsia effective in creating social change? and to who, top down? probably, since the 'down' can't/dont's have/don't want to read about shit like this.

seized- i'm quite capable of seizing into cement-like state. does collectivizing ruin individuality? making it part of something whole, which has its own definition/identity. the good and the bad of organization- a new clint eastwood film. all right, it seems my grad school courses will end with a funny presentation on the out-dated tradition of chief illiniwek at u of i. stupid school. i like this presentation- good note to end on. but still, as ever, elizabeth won't shut up.

and........ DONE!!!!!!!!!

journey back with me two years, will you?

one of the joys of moving into a new apartment is seeing your STUFF for the first time in a year and a half. most of it is unremarkable.... like the tupperware. hoorah for my tupperware. but other stuff is downright entertaining! i'm suffering serious distraction while unpacking and looking at old notebooks and pictures and what not. since i can't think of anything else to write about my life NOW, i'm going to copy what i wrote about my life THEN.

6/27-6/28? (if i remember correctly, this was written while sittin gon the floor waiting to get through customs in newfoundland)
O Canada... I'm stuck here overnight......
techincal malfunction on AA flight #122 en route to london. apparently the audiovisual system started over-heating. it zapped off just as the climax of "miracle" was building- the triumphant victory of capitalism over the commies, on ICE! i'll skate my way out of communism! i would've been happy without seeing the rest of the movie, but "our safety is paramount", so we turned around somewhere mid-atlantic (not sure where because the indiana jones screen was burning up) to retreat to newfoundland, home of sturdy dogs.

we are currently waiting in customs for our luggage- then it's a wuick over-nighter at a local hotel before coming back to this wonderful airport at st. john's for a NEW flight. i want my movie, cued up to the tie-breaking scene between US and the USSR. and i want to be promoted to first class. and it would be convenient to have a cell phone that understood being in canadia.

but i have always wanted to go to newfoundland. here i am! flight AND a totally unnecessary hotel for $750- what a deal.

now- about the family- the EXtended family of hassidic jews aboard our flight. the whole lot of them can't seem to understand seatbelt signs and kept getting up to wander about yelling "miiiiiiriam?" and soliciting nasty responses from the flight crew. i asked one guy where everyone was going- cause they seemed to all have a ridiculous amount of luggage- and got absolutely no response. i know he heard me. is there some code that the can't answer politely to non-jews? or answer at all for that matter? wish i was at the dog run. i'm turning into a disgruntled passenger. but no bitching.... just sitting on a cold floor waiting....


6/30
i've just been served the hottest cup of tea ever. this and the fact that the english will eat every conceivable flavoUr of chips possible are the two greatest observations that i've been capable of today. so far the morning's thought are dominated mostly by concern over the katowice-krakow connection- going over my minimal polish possibilities to converse and generally fretting. they won't understand me and i'll get stuck there, i know it. or they'll send me to newfoundland.

7/1
minimal possibilities indeed! lots of non-productive smiling and a 220zl fare on a private bus from katowice- with andrzej! big mole. now i'm waiting for my traveler's checks to be cashed- apparently it is a rather delicate process, requiring lots of patience for a broken computer. soon- money, rest. unpack for the first time in 5 weeks. my room is huge- 8x10 with 2 people- and i share it with one of the program coordinators- kasia. she seems very pleasant and drinks mocha fix- a beverage i thought they said goodbye to with lenin (movie fact). my bed is 2 feet wide and the shower is 1x1. alas.

i have to wait a lot- i'm becoming at expert- and exercise an enormous amount of patience. and then take a nice hot shower in a tiny stall at the end of the day.

7/6
lessons learned:
1st: krakow weather is completely unpredictable. always have a sweater. and umbrella
2nd: never assume that your destination will have a toilet- and even then, never assume that the toilet will have toilet paper. or that it will be designated for one gender only. or that if you weigh 250 pounds you will be able to get inside the stall.

7/13 (in the bar on the ground level of our dorm)
it was fine until she started yelling about how drunk she was, and it's only 9:30/ "i'm so fucking wasted at 9:30!!" i guess I could be the loser for coming to poland to do work in a bar at 9:30.

decorative mirrors, leftover russian novels that can be used as tripods, bottles with candles, foosball, locals.

sun goes down late. 9:50. morning class starts early. 8:30. now she's making out with some guy.

here is a poem:
Love, by maria pawlikowska-jasnorzewska

i have not seen you for a month
and it is nothing. i may be a little paler,
rather sleepy, a little more silent,
but apparently you can live without air!

7/19
obiad is an adventure everyday. adventures in obiad!
chicken balls with chicken ball gravy!
jello surprise cake!
beetrot!
cabbage creation!

pan tadeusz, by wajda- long, epic, boring, "but it is by wajda, so we will watch it"
romantic nationalism! more that i can take, but what place does it have in poland in 1999? how long can they carry that around? who's the enemy now? a question i run into a lot.

7/27
introduction to polish grammar = intro. to BOREDOM. "what IS language?" there is a case of miscellaneous pieces of iron in the classroom. some look like plumbing joints, some like machine parts. i can't imagine what their display is meant to evoke in the viewer. "i must work in industry!" otherwise the case is empty. "polish is richer in consonants"- i'll say. people carve and write the same things on desks here- "KORN" "PANTERA"- a universal teenage language. now i'm really dreaming of a nap, but i came here to learn polish, damn it, and i paid well to do so, so i better sit through 'aspects of polish inflection'. god, i hate linguistics. crazy people. NAP. oh, a nap! spac! may i also note that these chairs suck. folding pieces of wood that come out of the desk behind so everyone is attached and shoved together! what i really want is a class covering the evolution of hair-dye usage in eastern europe. "what is a noun?" blah! i'm starting to become more red and less tan in the summer. i'm victim to random thoughts about anything BUT polish grammar! such as... rearranging my rooms- doing the switcheroo between office and bedroom. oh yes, it will be done. and how about money? i have none! what to do, what to do. and my craving for tacos. what a poorly designed classroom. 8-9 rows, desks about one foot wide, no room to study/write, can't see anything from the back. seems to be the case with many polish constructions- either they didn't plan ahead or needed to cram as many people into one space as possible. or both. tokyo has space issues, but lots of money, too. good engineering. what is poland famous for? salt? suffering? i know! salt on wounds. i can't take it, this is too boring.
mysz= mouse (drawing of mouse) "mickey mouse was a problem to translate"
niemozliwe!

8/8
ed in krakow! he arrived last night at the PJPII airport and i took him on a long, uncomfrotable busride to the hotel chopin. next we walked to old town and had dinner at szara- yum! veal medallions with grilled zucchini and potato..... balls. fried mash, i guess, but quite tasty.

8/11 LAST DAY IN KRAKOW
ed is currently filming my looking 'studious' in the courtyard of the jagiellonian museum. we all thought we would learn in some environment like this, but no- socialist realism awaited. ed has also just purchase an amber ring dla mnie. piekna! bomba!

8/12
hell ya i'm riding on the second story! wizzair is bomba- big huge double decker bus straight to katowice. AC, fun view of the polish countryside, and all around a posh way to leave krakow. got my paluszki! (i can't remember what the hell that word means.... but i guess i got it!) the taxi here took every conceivable side street- i thought maybe he was mad at me because i asked him if driving a taxi was good work. maybe that was rude and ostentatious- but heck, i just wanted to exercise my polish once more. then i swear he said something about belorus while pointing me in the direction of the bus station- cause he dropped me off about a block away.




ok, back to 2006. time to go crawl into my tent and sleep.

SCORPACCIATA!!

look it up. then do it.

laugh at it

that's what the cool people call lafayette- the town, that is. i live on the street. i wonder if it's laughable. certainly in the center of hipsterville, so there's hope there.

i moved my squash into my apartment today. and then i went to my farmy friend's house and ate squash soup.

waxing squash

how do artists maintain consistency?
there's backstory to this question, but.... can i really go into it, or am i unable to grasp that little thread of thought long enough to write about it? how do you hold onto a thought or emotion long enough to expound upon it in whatever medium- long enough to actually express it in a coherent way instead of just slapping it out there. i guess some artists have done a bit of emotion-slapping, but it seems like, for the most part, artists are very deliberate and controlled- and emotions are the exact opposite. i sometimes can't imagine holding onto a feeling that long to nail it down in color. maybe that's why music is good- because of it's fluidity. check me out, i'm going off on one.

so i was wondering- is art inspired by boredom, loneliness, confusion, longing? because once you get involved in creating something, aren;t those feelings somewhat fleeting? you immediately begin sharing as you create, thus alleviating the that desperate sensation that drove you to reach out in the first place.

on the flip side, i think that happiness and excitement are equally inspirational on the 'i wanna share creatively' front.

mlah- i dunno know. maybe i should go back to writing about squash. colorful, vibrant, yummy, nutritious. it's a little art project in itself! but really... why do i love the squash so much?

reflective. no matter how long it takes. that's all art is, is reflection of a... something. god, i'm hopeless when it comes to art theory. blah blah blah.

what's up pussycat

marley lives in denver now! she's very happy to be here- walking around chirping and rubbing against everything. meow meow meow. she seems especially pleased with the carpeted floor and is walking around with her paws spread out and spontenously flopping on the floor to have a roll.

best part of drive: marley not meowing the whole way. and making it back to denver yaaaay. oh, and listening to disc two of 'the wall'- when was the last time YOU rocked out to pink floyd? not since high school? exactly.

worst: precious little election coverage on xm radio- we had to resort to fox news for information, and that was sickening. i revolted by turning on the 80's channel.

comment of the day: "wake me up when we get to the milkshakes" (or insert favorite excuse to stop on the highway- gas, colorado state line, world's largest gopher. well, we didn't stop, but ed's been there and he's here to report that it's a concrete gopher. or groundhog. whatever. prairie dog?)

scenery: kansas. despite popular bitching about this state, it's actually very pretty in it's own prairie sort of way.

weather: just gorgeous, mum. 70 degrees and sunny. pretty sunset.

smell: more manure. CAFOs. dis-gusting.

which didn't stop me from breaking down and eating a cheeseburger en route. dee-licious.
fast food establishments visited: 1
fast food eaten: oh man it was a good cheeseburger. i wonder if it came from one of the cows nearby. probably not.
real food eaten: nussing. forgot real food! yummy italian meats abadoned in springfield! boo. apples, too.

miles driven: a few. around 800. we estimate that we've spent 40 hours in the car in the past five days. that's a full time job.

roads: fine

election day

elsey knows to bark at republicans! i've trained her well. vicious.

as though a yellow flyer is going to change my mind on election day. did those teeny-bop girls get out of school today to run around with jim talent flyers?

i had a horrible dream last night that the election went red all across america.

let's dance

best thing about drive today: hearing the bob dylan theme time radio hour for the first time.

worst: not being able to scoot the booty during song after song devoted to the theme 'dance'. luckily, the show was being reaired by the time we got to grand street and matt and i sillied ourselves in the kitchen.

comment of the day: "you're going to have to plan ahead in advance."

smell: manure, burning leaves, skunk

scenery: corn corn corn then grey grey grey.

weather: drizzle. fog.

fast foods establishments visited: 2 ...disgusting- i refuse to go in one tomorrow.

fast food eaten: baked potato with broccoli and "cheese"- very bright orange cheese food drip on otherwise safe-sounding potato.

real food eaten: capicolla ham on yummy italian bread acquired on the hill in st. louis. deeelish. squash dinner at jenny's.



let's hear it for getting all my crap in the trailer! spiders, mouse droppings and all!

where nothing is expected of you

holy shit the esquire has wireless- which means i can post from my favorite bar!
.....but i have nothing to say. get me a few more beers....

bloo danube

though not in minor, still very satisfying. especially with fried chicken.

secret life of plants

it's friday night and i'm going through farm withdrawal, so i'm going to read myself to sleep with the secret life of plants.

CO to MO

in springtown, kitty in lap.

one year ago.....

i was on a plane to england.
this is what i saw from my room when i got there:

llama protectorate

what happens to all that damn squash you didn't sell, you ask? i'm about to tell you:

first, it freezes on top of half rotten straw bales. then, it gets thrown into wyatt's truck with great zeal- shley quote: "it's so nice to not have to be careful with this shit anymore." cause despite the strange desire one gets to toss a pumpkin when one get's their hands on it, it musn't be done. oh, you've got to be gentle with the little orange rounds, lest they get scratched and unsellable. not anymore! chuck 'em! when the truck is weighted down to the point of sagging dangerously, it's driven over to george's farm, where it gets thrown again into a great pile of sheep food. they love the stuff and their faces turn orange after eating a lot of it. also, it helps with sheepy fertility. check your local animal husbandry source to find out why (something to do with a boost of nutrients that make it easier to keep a lamb in yer belly full term). the sheep were goin' at it while i was there, though, so that's all the proof i need. go sheep!

after chucking squash at the sheep, one miss shley is free of her squash burden!! that is, all but two bushels that she was convinced to take home for the winter months. i can't help it, it looks so healthy and full of vitamins. and it's orange inside! two bushels is about 80 pounds. that's a lot of fucking squash to eat. but hopefully, being free of the daily task of moving and displaying and moving and moving and MOVING squash around, i will now be able to write about things other than you know what.

george keeps one llama with his sheep as a guard. a llama. i guess the llama gets downright ugly if a predator comes around and will spit furiously. when we drove up in the pick-up the llama positioned itself between us and the sheep and looked as though it was gathering a great lougy* in the back of its llama throat. we got out hesitantly (like we're on safari or something) and left the doors of the truck open just in case we needed to put some glass between us and the spit, but the llama decided we were ok because we had food and sauntered off to nibble on a butternut. oh man, it's satisfying to toss a pumpkin on the ground and watch it split open! some of the squash don't split though, no matter how hard you throw them, cause they're freakin' storage vegetables and hard as rocks. i now feel the sore coming on from throwing something like 3000 pounds of squash on the ground.

i'm also definately going to be sore form the rotten straw bale moving. y.u.c.k. is what rotten straw smells like and i had it all over me today. moving straw bales was a wholly unpleasant experience, especially after i uncovered a little mouse nest complete with little pink baby mice. i had to give them a straw burial. boo.

so all in all it was a very farmy day. sheep, mice, straw and squash. now i'm off to missouri- employment upon return is unknown......


* i can't decide how to spell lougy. loogee? lougie? loogie? loogy.

das laaaaaaand

geschwinde geschwinde geschwinde geschwinde geschwinde

swiftly! apace! apace apace apace apace apace!

a beautiful song, but once we got to the five times geschwinde we lost it and choir went from serious to gigglenous.

your feets too big

who's that walkin around here.... mercy. stompy foot is off to work!

the squash liberation army is headed to the farmstand today to take it all away to george's sheep. i don't know who this george is, but it's been mentioned frequently that his sheep will be happy this year. i wonder if their little wooly coats will turn orange from all the squashy vitamins. THAT would be some wool i would want to knit with!