i'm going back to naboo

the time has come to finally say 'fuck it' to the corporate produce that i handle everyday. back to the farm! i could elaborate on my decision- cause it's rife with idealism and not-so-much with practicality- but really i just needed to preface the following:

second season with farmer dan = second account of how farmer dan pissed himself.

oh, the tales dan will tell while washing, wedding, picking, driving, or doing anything at all in his presence. the other day we were picking arugula together and i heard everything from a detailed summary of "under the banner of heaven" to how he almost froze to death in utah once to his $600 vasectomy. first subject, very interesting- basically mormons are crazy, and dan has excellent recall of text. third story, whoa, dan. i don't need to hear about how a 50-year-old woman shaved you. middle story, hm, i didn't know you could piss yourself in the process of freezing to death.

some years ago dan was "dropped off in the middle of nowhere utah during a blizzard and damn near froze to death." i didn't pry for the circumstances of WHY he was dropped off in the middle of a blizzard in utah- i assume drugs were involved. not that dan is a bad seed, just that..... i can easily imagine a hitchhiking venture gone wrong over some bad blow and poor dan tumbling out of a moving vehicle into a snow drift. or something. anyway, there dan was in nowhere utah during a blizzard, hallucinating and letting his bladder go. apparently this is what happens during extreme hypothermia. first you hurt, then you become placid and delirious about your condition because you're too damn cold to care about it hurting. then you full-on hallucinate about warmer places and magical leopluridons. then you piss and shit involuntarily because your body decides that the bladder and bowels don't need to be bothered with anymore and then, if it goes really far, you experience something like an extreme fever and peel your clothes off because you're suddenly inexplicably hot. i guess this is the last ditch effort by your body to pretend it's still warm. people that are stranded and freeze to death are often found with their clothes trailing behind them as they go for help. this is the sequence of events according to dan, anyway. fortunately, he did not get to the undressing stage. the sun came up and he got warm enough to walk somewhere in his wet pants.

meanwhile, i'm picking arugula, wondering why this is the second occasion when dan has felt the need to confide in me as to his involuntary pissing. because i love the farm, that's why!