lemme esplain. no there is too much, lemme sum up

my favored wireless provider (who may or may not be my next door neighbor) has inexplicably disappeared, and my excursions to the darkest corners of the mancave have been limited by my new early morning produce duties, and so, dear people of shleydom, i have not been posting on my blog. yes, i could go to any one of the number of coffee shops in my neighborhood, but... i haven't.

updates? there is nothing to report. i have a cold, which might be due to drinking beer in an alley in downtown denver the other night. we were walking to a bar but instead ran into a catering crew that had just dropped a case of sierra nevada, so we got to take some foamy beer and make off to the nearest alley to slurp it up like hobos. i could also have a cold because my hands are cold and wet for much of the day at work as i shove heads of lettuce into the wetrack to create towering, impenetrable walls of greenery so no one will buy the shit for fear of making everything fall. this is my job. gone are the days of coddling eggplants and apples because they might bruise, we regularly THROW boxes of apples in the cooler and slam stalks of celery into place. i guess you're more careful with food when you grow it and pick it versus when it comes in a box on a truck from california. it's a weird disconnect that i'm not sure if i'll get used to. i will also not be able to get used to the fact that there is zero tolerance for employees taking bunk pieces of food, like bruised peppers or slightly-to-old limes. instead we toss it into this compost/trash bin in the back (which MIGHT go to a compost facility....) or give it to a couple of local organizations. i'm a local organization! i need bunk lettuce! i revolted yesterday by thieving- that's right, thievery!- three meyer lemons that we would've thrown away. apparently meyer lemons are the lemon bomb, and to prove it we sell them at $5.99/lb. i must see what this lemon craziness is about.

that is all. i will make it to the mancave/local coffee shop more often and post about my life in hopes that i will indeed one day get an emmy.