biodegradable skeet

i've fulfilled my duty as a true american today by stuffing myself a second time with an absurd amount of food, then making a trip to a MALL AND BASS PRO, THEN going to a GUN CLUB to SHOOT at things with SHOT GUNS. note the capitals, this is for real. ok, well, the trip to the mall was strictly business- the brochure box installation team on the job for the time when brochures are needed most. you can count on us. also of interest in the mall was the sighting of my first "duck press"- which is, in this case, a brass contraption tagged at $2000, complete with decorative ducky feet and intended for expedient extraction of duck juice. seems completely unnecssary and therefore desirable for cherry creek mall shoppers. i only noticed it because, just yesterday, i happened across the definition for a duck press while looking up "gaud" in the dictionary in a scrabble challenge. gaud is a word. duck press is a tool. clarification. the trip to bass pro was slightly less enlightening- save for the glimpse into gun culture that i hitherto hadn't appreciated. people will pay $16000 for a shot gun. so you can shoot skeet in style, i presume. the gun section of bass pro was teeming with eager thanksgiving weekend hunters, all choosing their favorite red riders and aiming them at imaginary targets in the store. or maybe that's what the stuffed bucks are for- so you don't really need to go outdoors when you go to bass pro's outdoor world. the whole package is inside for you- handling of boxes of ammo, aiming, make-believe firing, then voila! your twelve point buck already mounted on the wall for all to see and admire. we saw a real buck at the gun club, but it's against the law to shoot at those in a shooting range, thus creating fearless local bucks that willingly prance through the gun club grounds amid sounds of BUCKshot.

despite our venture into americana, however, i did not spend any money. not even when i ran out of gas next to the women's correctional facility on north havana.