one potato peeler is enough

in response to 'notafinga!':

my recent increase in request for gifts A) has proven successful (huck finn book), and B) is designed to prevent future weird and otherwise unwanted gifts from arriving in the mail. two examples of how weird gift prevention tactics could come in handy follow:

example #1:
christmas, 2003. my sister receives a potato peeler with a potato-shaped handle, "to add to your collection," from our aunt, who, the previous summer, had sent her niece three vegetable-shaped veggie scrubbers as a birthday present. she thought it was pretty funny- so funny that she tried to sneak it into my suitcase when i left, but it was quickly discovered and placed back in her utensil drawer (waaaay back so as not to be found for awhile.)

thus began the great potato peeler exchange tradition.

january 2004. alas, the potato peeler is found in the waaay back of the drawer before i can make my escape to champaign. i found it in my luggage three months later when i was packing to go to the workshop in OK.

and here's where it's been since to the best of my recollection):

• i put it in the linen drawer at grand street where it stayed for a week; she put it back in my suitcase on my way back through town after spring break.
• i hide it somewhere at grand street and leave for poland, expecting to find it while unpacking in krakow, but no; she put it underneath the folded-down backseat of my car and, being that i usually kept the saab in truck-like readiness with the back seats inoperational, i didn't find it until a few months later when i had some backseat passengers.
• i stick it in a purse that matt gave her for christmas and it surprises her christmas morning; she leaves it in the bottom of my yarn basket to be found weeks later when rummaging around for red yarn.
• i make an emergency trip back to springfield and, while there, get some books on tape from the library for the drive back to champaign. i send the tapes back to grand street for jenny to return them to the library and mail the peeler along with them; she.... i can't remember how i got it back that time, cause-
• next time i'm in springfield i stick it in the garden so that when she starts digging in the spring she'll find it, wa ha ha. but she doesn't plant a garden till late that year and i get impatient and practically have to show her where it is to put the peeler back in play
• she lazily puts it in my purse as i'm leaving for colorado. i find it a block away from the house and we stop by the news-leader, where i leave it in a sealed envelope at the front desk. she calls ten minutes later LIVID.
• and gets her revenge on my next birthday. she visits in colorado, leaves, and i spend the next week looking through my scant belongings at my dad's condo to find the peeler. no peeler. a few weeks later, ed goes to springfield for something and returns with some 'extra' birthday present she 'forgot' to give me. i get: measuring cups, a little elsey statue, and a necklace box, oooooo, she got me JEWELRY, how NICE- but no, it's the peeler.
• i go to england, taking the peeler with me. plans for it are unknown.
• jenny visits england and i FORGET to give it to her. i had a great scheme of leaving it in a museum, part of the collection at the british museum....
• but instead i wait till her wedding shower and sneak it in with some utensils given by my dad.

and now..... she has possession. she says i'll find it when i establish residence somewhere, which means it's in a box or... somewhere.



example #2:
yesterday i received a notice in the mailbox that we'd received a package, come get it from the manager's office. but drat, the office was closed, so i spent the whole day in quiet anticipation of what the package might be. just had a birthday... just sent out a request for surprise packages.... who sent me what?? oh, the possibilities! so i get home from work, head straight to the manager's office with note in hand and, hoorah! it's for me! could've been for ed, he just had a b-day, too. but no! it's for me! i open it to find.... "grow a birthday cake", one of 24 in a series of, that's right, "grow your own" toys. not exactly what comes to mind in a grow your own series. it's a little cake-shaped pellet that you put in water and, yee-haw, 3 days later, expands 600%. then it's.... nothing. a big, spongy, fake birthday cake. i guess she thought it was cute, but i much prefer real cake that wasn't made in china.

guess i just kicked the gift horse in the mouth and, as karma will have it, am doomed to receive nothing for a long time. my aunt has sent useful things, as well- for example, an authentic alaskan chopping... thing. it has a name but i can't think of it. it looks truly dangerous but will surely come in handy once i get it out of storage and into my kitchen.